First post -- Well, not really.
I've had my first four posts before, but due to my craziness, I've deleted them all. I like my new layout, I love the background music; My new blog makes me smile. :) Ha ha, I know I sound really insane now, but that's how I feel and I willingly stick to it... and that's one problem with me. You see, I like my brain. I mean, I like to feed it with so many things and I just want it to help me decide on matters all the time, but I just can't get it right. My feelings munches on my entire pillow heart, then eventually conquers my fighting brain. It's frustrating sometimes, if you know what I mean. O well, what I said honestly makes sense to me, although I'm not so sure if it makes sense to reality.
It's 1am and I don't even want to think about sleeping. I'm beat. Today has been very tiring and difficult for me. Mami woke me up early so that she could give me instructions on the money, bank accounts, withdrawal slips, checks, and the like that she's gonna let me take care of while she's out of the country. I knew the responsibilities and suddenly felt like a grown-up. "Mag-18 ka na. Ikaw na bahala sa lahat ng mga kailangan ayusin dito" -- the never ending line of my mami. Sigh. I really miss mami now. :[ She's going to be back on December 09, not too far from now, but still... her presence in this tiny house of ours is needed by everyone. It's never a home without her. I pray she reaches Manchester safely and I pray nothing goes wrong in this house while she's away. I don't want to stress her anymore just like how I did the last time she was there. I love you, Mami. :[ Agh, I'm teary-eyed now. So anyway...
I'm on the edge with someone which made this day more tiring and difficult. I don't know how to hold on since it seems like nothing's even there to hold to anymore. I hope everything goes well starting tomorrow. I don't want arguments anymore, I don't want to fight anymore, I want peace between the both of us. So please. :[ Sigh. I just want to transfer so bad 'cause I know I would feel somehow successful in my desire to run far far away from everything. So yeah... Mami told me that I could transfer if I really want to. She said it's alright as long as I do well this time... but I can't just give up a year and one semester in UST. I worked so hard for the course that I never really wanted... and throwing it alll away would be a total waste. Though, I actually want to take up Multimedia Arts in Benilde or Aeronautics in PATTS, which is located in Sucat -- meaning, no more tardiness and tiring travels! Ha ha.
This post is too long already and I believe I should stop for now. I'll just listen to more instrumental music and probably just sit here... stare at space and just think. Life truly is unfair if we don't play it well, but what can we do if we're not really good players, right ? Until next time. Thanks for reading whoever you are.
[ M e m e ]
! Somehow I hear your song resound.
