It's one of those feelings where even though you know too well that it's not right, you just can't run away from it. Painfully inevitable. And all you can do is carry that maximum degree of self-control in order to attain that ever enduring insensitivity.


This has been ringing for months and there's no point in letting it out now; however, doing this at least for once wouldn't be that bad anyway.


Sometimes, I would think that being in this situation is a good challenge. It teaches me acceptance, furthermore it keeps me ready for the worst case scenarios that might actually happen in the near future.


"I'm pointing my fingers like a gun to my head.
I'm trying to get used to how it feels,
So I wont hold back when I do it for real." -Towi


It's a pretty scary, yet funny quote. But surely, it has a really deep meaning if you just try to read more into it.


Every time I get caught in the situation, I would always have no idea on how I should act or react. I have a number of automatic safe choices: Play deaf; smile; look away; ignore and think of other random things; listen to music. To tell you the truth, all of those choices actually works well. Good enough for me to forget about the pain and embarrassment easily.




Believe me, my number one wish for you is to be happy and honestly, I know that you will achieve that crowning happiness if that person who you dearly adore finally realizes how precious you are, how lovely you are to everyone. That you are worth every second, every strength; you are someone that only one can have.


When that happens, don't worry I will be alright. Don't be bothered about how I would feel and what not 'cause that is not important. It cannot cut what I really feel for you. I know I can still show my care, I can still be the friend that will always be there for you. These I promise you. :)


[ Y u k o ]